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_{^{The Book :                     A New Guide to Codependency.                     Home link Here.}}

                                     _{^Introduction}

                    _{^{A person does not need to be codependent to profit from its great discoveries and treatment methods or its}}      

          _{^{vivid insight into the human intellect. It is not necessary to be codependent at all because it is just a name given to}}

          _{^{a part of our human condition.}}

                   _{^{At one time (circa: 1995) it seemed like everyone had heard of the concept of codependency (some liked it}}

          _{^{and some not) and the treatment of codependency was rather popular, but now (2008) the codependency}}

          _{^{movement seems to be fading away (or al least loosing any momentum) and that could mean a big loss to our}}

         _{^{mixed up world, and so that is the motivation for writing this book - to preserve the message in a form that any}}

         _{^{person might be able to comprehend.}}                     

                 _{^{The condition called codependency is a real and powerful influence on people and on the entire population}}

         _{^{and we simply must not let such an open door get closed on us.}}

                 _{^{It appears that the reason for the popularity of codependency and its treatment to be less than its potential is}}

         _{^{because most people just do not understand how great and liberating and enlightening the facing and overcoming}}

         _{^{of the codependency can be.}}

                _{^{The intent of this book is to make the concept of codependency and its treatment to be as simple and easy}}

         _{^{to comprehend and to utilize for any person, and yet to dig deep enough into the subject to challenge the best of}}

         _{^{others that find the codependency as interesting and fascinating as does this author.}}

                _{^{There are other books and info about codependency and hopefully this book will add complimentary to those}}

         _{^{other works and not too much contradictory, but if this does contradict others than this is the one that is the}}

          _{^{modernized interpretation.}}

                _{^{This author was born and raised in a small town in Southern Maryland as the sixth of twelve siblings, having}}

         _{^{five older siblings that tormented him and six younger siblings that he tormented and they all created one huge}}

         _{^{codependent mess. That family was closely stair step in ages (1-2 ... 11-12) and there were five girls and seven}}

         _{^{boys. Both the father and mother were of Irish Catholic decent with one German grandfather on mother’s side}}

         _{^{but she only liked to claim the Irish grandparents for the 12 children. There was no alcoholism, no drugs and no}}

         _{^{real (diagnosed) mental illness but we had created a codependency - big time and complicated.}}  

                _{^{The information in this book is meant for people that are seeking relief or assistance with codependency and}}

        _{^{so it has to be rationalized that the people that can handle it will utilize the information and others will view it with}}

        _{^{scorn. So it is said here that this book’s affront to the codependency issue is not meant to be absolute doctrine but}}

        _{^{might add some more info to make a clearer understanding of the affliction to anyone.}}

_{^{Chapter 1       A Definition of Codependency.}}

                                                        _{^{“The Greatest service any}} 

                                                 _{^{one can do is to perform our own}}

                                                 _{^{duty to the fullest.”}}

                           _{^{The original discovery of codependency came from the treatment of the families of alcoholics but now the}}

          _{^{definition must be redefined for greater clarity.}}

                _{^{In the beginning of the study the codependency, was that one person was dependent on a substance such}}

          _{^{as drugs, alcohol, mental illness, and the rest of the family would often become co-dependent on the substance}}

          _{^{through the abuser. That is abusing the substance and thus abusing the other family members because of the}}

          _{^{substance or by the dysfunction. Particularly the spouse and children of addicts and abusers were suffering}}

         _{^{severe problems that were caused from the contact and relationship they had to the one abuser. It came later}}

         _{^{that the wider view was more understood and acknowledged by those of us that want to move on to the higher}}

         _{^{levels. Most people seem to make little effort to surpass their own mental dependencies.}}

              _{^{It turns out that codependency is a natural and normal human condition that happens to all people starting}}

         _{^{at childbirth and in many aspects it never ends. The confusion arises when and because some co-dependencies}}

        _{^{are negative and detrimental while other forms are positive and healthy, and of course many varieties of}}

        _{^{codependency that fall some where between the positive or negative poles.}}

               _{^{A new born baby - then child - adolescence - adult - all have to learn (dependent) from our parents and}}

        _{^{peers and others that teach each of us how to feel and how to think and how to act. Human beings - we each}}

        _{^{and all - had to grow up learning how to love and hate and how to work, speak, dress, eat, and more. So loving,}}

        _{^{considerate parents / custodians will bring up one type of child while the mean and cruel custodians will bring up}}

        _{^{another type of child, and so human beings are dependent on what we learn by what we are taught and thus}}

        _{^{codependent to some degree with our teachers whether the teachers are our parents or neighbors or siblings or}}

        _{^{peers or others. Plus note that the affliction called codependency does not have to start in a person’s childhood,}}

        _{^{as a healthy person can become codependent by entering into an abusive relationship as an adult.}}

                  _{^{In the military they actually purposely use a form of codependency to gain greater control over the}}

       _{^{soldiers. The military gets new recruits from the population so it needs to aggressively train them out of their}}

       _{^{peaceful citizen mentality and turn them into fighting soldiers. So the drill Sergeant creates a codependent bond}}

       _{^{because he tells the soldiers how to think, how to act, how to feel, to follow orders without questioning – “theirs}}

       _{^{is not to reason why, theirs is but to do and die” - and the recruit soldier must suppress many of their own}}

      _{^{feelings and they become dependent / codependent with the military mentality. Feelings do include what a}}

      _{^{person thinks and opinions, beliefs, etc. When a person enters the military then the drill instructor will yell and}}

      _{^{order the new recruits to do and say what they are told to. A soldier is “not to reason why, theirs is but to do}}

      _{^{and die” (as that old military motto goes). A military commander wants and needs their soldiers to do as told. The}}

      _{^{codependent bond of having the drill instructor do the thinking and reasoning for the recruit is essential to a well}}

      _{^{working army. If any soldier starts to ask questions and think independently then why would they attack and kill}}

      _{^{other people. And those people / soldiers do this willingly. They give away their own free choice and their power}}

      _{^{to decide for them selves and they do whatever the boss man or commander orders.}}

               _{^{Companies, businesses, work places are much the same. A person may well ask questions and even buck}}

      _{^{the system in order to get promoted or to cut down a rival but not many will ask if the employer has a true right}}

      _{^{to rule over the workers – over one self and others. And people know it is a big rejection of their own individuality}}

      _{^{and still do nothing or little to resist it. The Santa Claus scenario where – if they are giving out fun and presents}}

      _{^{then who cares about the truth or the lies of it? We now care. If the employer is giving out a paycheck then we}}

      _{^{must swallow the subjugation. But then the truth gets lost and reality is perverted. Soldiers go fighting wars and}}

     _{^{they do not even care to decide their own destiny. Employees that work any job(s) for most of their entire life and}}

     _{^{never make a true life effecting decision on their own that is indifferent to their employer - then it is called}}

     _{^{codependency because their life is dependent on the feelings of others - codependent on the feelings of the worldly}}

     _{^{masters. Not everyone but many.}}                            

               _{^{The military needs the codependent bond and it seems to have worked all through history. The subordinate}}

     _{^{becomes dependent / codependent on the superiors, and even the Sergeant is dependent on the Captain on the}}

     _{^{General on the President or the King as in other Countries or dictated to by Dictators, etc.}}

                 _{^{Therefore when there is a benevolent ruler like maybe George Washington or insightful laws like the U.S.}}

     _{^{Bill of Rights or religious doctrine like the “Ten Commandments” and or the “Golden Rule” then the dependency}}

     _{^{and the codependency becomes a fairly healthy and happy thing to have. Thus there are many different levels and}}

     _{^{different styles of codependency such as that which stems from the person’s family, our occupation, peer pressure,}}

     _{^{the Country and type of government, the dominant religious traditions, and more that add to the condition of}}

     _{^{codependency. Most children certainly do not have the resources to make an independent decision and many adults}}

     _{^{do not seem to make the effort required for true interdependencies.}}

                 _{^{All through history the Federal governments and dominant societies do control the populations by massive}}

     _{^{manipulations, and even at the State and local levels we depend / co-depend on the “leaders” to make the decisions}}

     _{^{for the group. In any codependent home the Drill Sergeant parent tells their children how to feel. To be afraid or}}

     _{^{not, be ashamed or not, then the second (2nd) in command pushes it onto the 3rd and the 3rd onto the 4th ,etc.}}

                _{^{All human children born are subject to be codependent to our parent(s). It is normal and natural. When a}}

     _{^{codependent bond between child and parent(s) is done correctly then it is obviously the correct and proper way for}}

     _{^{that relationship to flourish because the child is created that way to learn about the world from the bond with}}

     _{^{parent(s) but it needs to be an honest and truthful and non violent bond because the child is helpless. The parents}}

     _{^{or custodians have full power and authority (aside from societal and governmental authority) but in the}}

     _{^{dysfunctional codependent family they have feelings and beliefs that are corrupt and dysfunctional and the people}}

     _{^{pass it on to the next generation.}}

                 _{^{Codependency in this world is everywhere in everyone in one quantity or another. It is just not being called}}

     _{^{codependence. The definition and description of the condition is the bases of this writing. It is fortunate now that the}}

     _{^{twentieth century psychology would discover the condition and then give it a basic name that kind of fits the}}

     _{^{prevalent characteristic. Being mentally and emotionally dependent on another person and so first there needs to be}}

     _{^{given some basic word definitions for this to be understood.}}

               _{^{Simple codependency is when a person(s) have their thoughts, feelings, thinking, opinions, decisions, ideas,}}

     _{^{or any mental activity in control or submission to another person. The effect becomes critical when the other person}}

     _{^{is a tyrant or abuser or other deviant. Usually it is a person in authority and or some one that is taking authority /}}

     _{^{dependency over the subordinate / the codependent. The most easy example, and all people have it, is being a}}

     _{^{young child and the parent tells the child what to think and feel and how to react accordingly. As in “happy}}

     _{^{birthday” and “merry Christmas” and “no, stop that” or “do not say that” and all children rich or poor are born}}

     _{^{with an empty mind and are therefore dependent / codependent on their parent or guardian as to how they think}}

     _{^{and feel. As adults we have civil and political leaders that it is their place to deal with our societies big problems}}

     _{^{and to come back and report to the populace what is happening in the world and we the people take our thinking}}

     _{^{perception from them and the television and newspaper reports. Any leader that fails gets full blame for what they}}

     _{^{get the rest of the people to do. So the average citizen is dependent on their leaders for how they view their world.}}

                _{^{Sometimes there is a tyrant, and often times a codependency is a desirable condition. At least it is desirable}}

     _{^{from the perspective of the leaders and many people willingly and gladly give away all their personal power and}}

     _{^{opinions so to serve the leader or the bigger group. The Republican Party need to be united in their group policies,}}

     _{^{and the Democratic Party need unity too, so many people change or adjust their thinking to conform to the group}}

     _{^{mentality. But there is a problem and a danger when the leader is an abuser or tyrant or the deviant. Countries go}}

     _{^{to war just because the President and / or Congress say that we have an enemy. The soldier and the citizens give}}

     _{^{life and effort against an often times unseen and unknown enemy and we call it “patriotic” to think and do the}}

     _{^{same as we are told.}}

                 _{^{As such the person’s thoughts and feelings are not really their own but are put onto them dependent on}}

     _{^{the words of the leader and so it is termed as codependent. What is needed is for people to think and reason and}}

     _{^{decide based on independent thinking. The mature person needs to make his or her own decisions. If we lack}}

     _{^{having all the facts to make an independent decision then do not do it, or else be considerate.}}      

                _{^{The objective of this book is primarily to address the negative aspects and negative  consequences associated}}

     _{^{with the codependency even though many forms of codependency do appear to be beneficial and desirable, but just}}

     _{^{for the record here it is believed that all codependence past adolescence is unhealthy  - it is never truly human to}}

     _{^{have one’s life perception dependent on other people’s feelings. The thing needed is independence and then}}

     _{^{consciously choose to agree with the positive consensus and join the feelings of others by educated choice as inter-}}

     _{^{dependence, and not codependent without actively making the choice for one self. Independence does not mean}}

     _{^{going alone but it means making our own decisions for one-self and then joining or agreeing with others.}}

                  _{^{An example of a type of codependency being forced onto an adult would be like an employer tells his}}

     _{^{lead foreman to fire one of the employees based on an unjust reasoning. The foreman likes that employee so the}}

     _{^{foreman has mixed feelings in that he dislikes and regrets his order but he also has the feeling and emotional act}}

     _{^{imposed upon him as “fire the employee”. Then that employee reacts to being fired and argues with the foreman}}

     _{^{saying in effect to act independently and do not fire him - do not obey the order. Of course the foreman realizes}}

     _{^{that if he chose not to fire the employee that he does not personally want to fire then the foreman himself might}}

     _{^{get fired so then he confronts his raw feeling of fear of himself being fired and his own guilt for doing an injustice}}

     _{^{for the big boss employer, so the superior uses that fear to control the lesser (the foreman) and the foreman must}}

     _{^{suppress his own true feelings or risk acting independently. After the deed is done - there is shame. That is an}}

     _{^{example of a codependent dilemma on adults.}} 

                _{^{If a person has a new suit that they like and another sees the suit and proclaims it to be ugly and the first}}

      _{^{person then feels embarrassed and thinks that they were wrong about the suit they had liked and then now they}}

     _{^{do not like because another has criticized it then they have formed a codependent bond in that the one has}}

     _{^{submitted their feeling to that of the other person. This scene may seem small but it gets more pertinent when one}}

     _{^{tells another that they are stupid, ugly, good for nothing, and their words are believed and absorbed so that the}}

     _{^{codependent bond becomes damaging and painful to the receiver. For many reasons it is normal and natural that}}

     _{^{human beings depend on each other. Especially on parents and authority figures and so the codependency}}

     _{^{dysfunction can be seen all through recorded history. Few but great are those independent thinkers that have left}}

     _{^{their mark on their fellow man. Just because a person is a leader or even a great leader of history does not mean}}

     _{^{that they were or were not full of codependent ideas and energies.}}       

                 _{^{Most if not all of mankind’s Institutions are based on tradition and previous precedents and it is the}}

     _{^{modern leader’s duty to hold the course and do as the Institution was intended and instructed to do. The rules,}}

     _{^{regulations and procedures are there to give instruction on how to think and how to act. To question the rules and}}

     _{^{then do them is part of living, but to blindly follow without consideration and do as one is instructed is then to give}}

     _{^{away one’s personal power / personal prerogatives which is giving away their real identity, their independence.}}

                  _{^{An extreme example of the negative effects and definition of codependency would be an individual that}}

     _{^{was born and raised in a Country at civil war so that person grows up seeing and believing that war is normal and}}

     _{^{natural for explosions and killings to happen, and then as an adult the person travels to a more civil place like some}}

     _{^{small town USA and that person then first sees a police car and they panic and hide for cover expecting that police}}

     _{^{equate to threats and more violence. So a child grows up in a brutal home and as an adult enters society with a}}

     _{^{warped reality. Codependence is a learned behavior, a learned - taught mental condition. The negative}}

     _{^{codependency becomes oppressive in the person by their perception of reality being restrictive of that person by}}

     _{^{not being able to act or think or feel in a healthy and personal way because of the previous training / the learned}}

     _{^{behavior / the codependency. A person then has to re-learn how to live, think, and feel independently and}}

     _{^{personally and over-rule the harmful mentality that was created dependent / codependent on the past negative}}

     _{^{lifestyles and perceptions.}}

                  _{^{The codependency is a totally learned affliction and so it can be completely cured and reversed by}}

     _{^{unlearning the dependencies. A person does not have to be born into an abusive family or an abusive situation}}

     _{^{and the negative destructive codependency can start happening to a healthy adult. Like marriage to a dysfunctional}}

     _{^{person or getting an abusive job or other dominating circumstance.}}

                _{^{Now consider the people living in a dysfunctional family where there is abuse or dilution or perversion and}}

     _{^{then the child grown to adult must go through school and a job, dating, mating, and the people carries the learned}}

     _{^{dysfunction (the codependency) out of their family and into the general population and then those people have to}}

     _{^{work really hard to find a correct life functioning and do what needs to be done or else the codependency will}}

     _{^{keep controlling them and their lives will be stunted and dysfunctional till death do they part. Codependency}}

     _{^{takes the life out of the person.}}

               _{^{A great big part of the problem in successful treatment is in getting out accurate information and learning /}}

     _{^{teaching realistic remedies, and foremost is to get the codependent person to seek out help and assistance in the}}

     _{^{first place. The codependency comes from other people so coming out of codependency includes going through}}

     _{^{other - other people and so the codependent must put trust some where. Some people can start by trusting the}}

     _{^{Bible or self help psychology books or trusting a mate or therapist or priest, minister, friend, but the leap of faith}}

     _{^{for the codependent person to get out of the dysfunction comes from trusting some other outside of their}}

     _{^{codependency. To trust others is still an independent act as any person must first or foremost heal themselves.}}

                _{^{The codependent person having a warped sense of reality makes so that as soon as one seeks out help or}}

     _{^{assistance from a functioning source that is outside their own dysfunction then and there the cure is started because}}

     _{^{the functioning outsider will instantly contradict the codependency / the learned dysfunction. This is why an intense}}

     _{^{dysfunctional relationship or marriage which will often break up and then the person  feels liberated and energized}}

     _{^{because the dynamics of the relationship and the split-up compromises the codependency (of course it does not}}

     _{^{have to break up), and since most people have no real idea of the psychological dynamics then it happens without}}

     _{^{the participants knowing what happened. For the worst cases the codependent person will back off from any close}}

     _{^{relationship and even mistakenly run, hide and avoid any real relationship with others and so the codependency}}

     _{^{grows worse. It is awful to think that some body might get into a relationship to cure their own dysfunction but it}}

     _{^{seems more credible that only the brave make that effort and the weak never rise to their own occasions. So those}}

     _{^{that do challenge their own realities are the only one’s that can break free of their own prison, and it is a blessing to}}

     _{^{be used - not misused - and the height of perfection is to be useful.}}

                 _{^{The solution is simple and complex. Each person has a different life and difficulties. So we get general}}

     _{^{directions and principles that do work if done correctly, such as, if one seeks the truth then the truth will be}}

     _{^{found. The truth will set one free. The problem with these is that codependency and our society have violated}}

     _{^{people’s faith. A person must learn to be able to actually use one’s brain to make decisions in direct opposition to}}

     _{^{oneself - opposing our feelings. For instance one must have courage over one’s own fears. A person must overcome}}

     _{^{their embarrassments, and restrict their lust and greed and all forms of violence. To be the one then the one must}}

     _{^{become as perfect as we can and it can be done.}}

                  _{^{The codependency is a learned dysfunctional behavior. It is mentally, physically and spiritually}}

     _{^{dysfunctional and it does not cure itself. The exaggerated feelings of fear based in shame is a sure sign of}}

     _{^{codependency and the codependency can be seen in others by their dysfunctional behavior based in their}}

     _{^{unreasonable shame and fears, always defensive, self protective and damaged.}}

                  _{^{The codependent person can be cured and completely healed but it takes a lot of effort and getting the}}

     _{^{correct information and acting on it, and more.}}

_{^{Chapter 2        The Eight Feelings, Emotions and Rage.}}

                                                            _{^{“Without simplicity there is always confusion.”}}  

                  _{^{The naming and rationalizing of human feelings apply to all aspects of human life but in the treatment of}}

     _{^{codependency it is even more necessary to have a realistic and accurate definition and explanation of what our human}}

     _{^{reality really is, because in the dysfunctional systems the abusive superiors have created the codependency by forcing}}

     _{^{an untrue and harmful set of feelings and emotions onto us so it needs to be corrected and that can only be done by}}

     _{^{defining the basic human reality.}}

                  _{^{There are in fact only eight (8) basic feelings in their raw forms and the feelings number as this and the}}

     _{^{number does not mean grade or importance :}}

     _{^{1)  Pain}}          

     _{^{2) Shame}}        

     _{^{3) Fear}}

     _{^{4) Hurt}}

     _{^{5) Guilt}}

     _{^{6) Anger}}

     _{^{7) Lonely}}      

     _{^{8) Joy}}

                  _{^{These eight feelings need to be remembered as they apply to all human beings and not just in codependency.}}

     _{^{Many people get emotions mixed up and think the emotions are feelings but the emotions are different indeed. The}}

     _{^{emotions come from the human feelings but are not the same. For instance in feeling fear one might become afraid}}

     _{^{which is the emotion, or in the same scenario one might have courage in the face of the fear feeling so then the bravery}}

     _{^{would be the emotion. The feelings come into the body as we feel the feelings while the emotion goes out of the person}}

     _{^{as we do the emotion. Feelings in and emotions out. Like email means electronic mail, the emotion actually means}}

     _{^{“motion” with energy as in “e-motion”. We will feel anger and get angry as the emotion of that feeling, of course some}}

     _{^{times we feel anger and the emotional response might be getting sad or seeking justice, we do not have to get angry just}}

     _{^{because we feel anger. This is why we can control our own emotions but people need to recognize their true feelings.}}

     _{^{Some people like scary movies just so they can embrace their feelings of fear but it is not here recommended because}}

     _{^{exaggerating the feelings (as done by many movies) creates a distortion of the emotional response. Instead of trying to}}

     _{^{feel afraid or stimulated it is wiser to try to input bravery and virtue. In most cases (people) then what goes in is what}}

     _{^{comes out.}}

                  _{^{The emotion of being ashamed comes from the feeling of shame but that emotion of ashamed can also come}}

     _{^{from feeling guilt pain or lonely hurt or etc. Then in some other cases we might blush with shame and do it for fun. The}}

     _{^{feelings are not negative or positive but they certainly can be.}}

                  _{^{The terminology must not get in our way here because words are only the means of communicating and we}}

     _{^{are trying to define psychological conditions and not to pick on particular words of terminologies. Any one can still say}}

     _{^{that they feel ashamed or feel afraid or feel guilty and we know those are emotions and not true feelings so in the}}

     _{^{codependency recovery we just need to remember that those are only words. The more accurate one becomes to one-}}

     _{^{self the better, but we must give leniency to the words of other people.}}  

                  _{^{In some places it is claimed that things like love, jealousy, hate, kindness, and more, are said to be feelings and}}

     _{^{that is not correct as those things are emotions and or personal decisions that go outward from the body (feelings come}}

     _{^{in and emotions go out) and to recover from the distorted realities in codependency we must try hard for accuracy and}}

     _{^{truth because we need reality most of all. The codependency can be defeated by using the cold hard truths and that}}

     _{^{gives a great victory but most people settle easily for the half truths and the comfortable momentum and that is not}}

     _{^{recommended here. The feelings are natural and normal and are never positive nor negative but the emotions are always}}

     _{^{rated as being negative or positive or some mix in the middle.}}    

               _{^{The feelings can be combined and usually are combinations of two, three, or more of the feelings combined}}

     _{^{when a person feels them. As like feeling fear-pain or shame-pain or guilt-shame or hurt-lonely-anger or any}}

     _{^{combination of the feelings. It is rare to have only one (1) feeling but it is expected that one feeling would be dominant}}

     _{^{over the other feeling at any given moment and can change quickly. In fact it is believed that if anyone feels all the}}

     _{^{seven (or all 8 including joy) feelings at the same time then they will be in a state of “rage“or hysteria. To be in rage}}

     _{^{does not necessarily mean some excessive anger even thought it might look like that, because anger is a normal human}}

     _{^{feeling and we have a right to have our own feeling of anger even if we might be wrong on the given issue, but “rage”}}

     _{^{means having an overload and the feelings are overwhelming so that the person is having a severe inner turmoil called}}

     _{^{rage. A person can rage with just one feeling but the first seven (or all 8) at one time is overwhelming and that person is}}

     _{^{thereby dangerous. Many times we can recognize a person acting wild and raging but it is still possible for a person to}}

     _{^{appear calm while still raging inside and that is why the term is not just referring to the action of rage but to the}}

     _{^{condition of rage. A person in the state of rage can be feeling the feeling(s) so intensely that the person can be reacting}}

     _{^{to only one feeling which drives the intensity of the rage, like intensive fear or extreme anger, even intense guilt can turn}}

     _{^{into rage. There are some simple yet intense hurt feelings that can turn a person into a suicidal or homicidal maniac}}

     _{^{because our human feelings are very powerful in our bodies and most people can control their emotions to different}}

     _{^{degrees and shaded temperaments while rage is when the intense feeling(s) become overwhelming, and just by}}

     _{^{recognizing rage in ourselves and or in others then the rage can be calmed or dealt with and not fought against.}}

                 _{^{We need to confront the real issue and not continue arguing or fighting against varied topics. The arbitrary}}

     _{^{topics that people conflict over are always driven by our feelings, and our own personal feelings are wonderful in that}}

     _{^{they define who and what we really are. A person in rage might look forceful and appear as threatening but rage is}}

     _{^{always defensive and acts offensive. When the seven feelings are felt combined and creates rage then it is a type of}}

     _{^{insanity and it is normally temporary but it can become long term. There is also a rare time when the feeling’s rage is}}

     _{^{mixed with the feeling of joy and this condition is only theorized as it could result in a type of engulfing euphoria but it}}

     _{^{is more likely that joy-rage would most certainly and very quickly become an overwhelming insanity.}}

                  _{^{The last (but not least) of those basic feelings given here as #8 “Joy“, is a very  peculiar feeling and it needs to}}

     _{^{be explained because joy is not so simple as one might think. The pure and raw feeling of joy might be much like bliss,}}

     _{^{and feeling raw joy alone would be a rare thing to happen.  So normally and naturally we feel joy combined with the}}

     _{^{other seven feelings. Joy is the feeling while being happy is one of its emotions. The rule stays the same that feelings}}

     _{^{come in to us and emotions go out. A person can feel joy without being happy or joyful.}}

                 _{^{An example of joy with each of the seven other feelings is given here because it needs to be explained in}}

     _{^{understandable detail, and remember that it is here given as one feeling but joy can be combined with 2 or 3 or more}}

     _{^{of the other feelings.}}    

                  _^Examples:

     _{^{1)  Joy Shame - would be like one displaying their art or performing on stage being pleasantly embarrassed - joy shame.}}

     _{^{2)  Joy Hurt - would be like being patient at the right time - joy hurt.}}

     _{^{3)  Joy Fear - like first going on a blind date or a big roller coaster ride - joy fear.}}

     _{^{4)  Joy Pain - would be like a parent seeing their adult child getting married and crying in happiness - joy  pain.}}

     _{^{5)  Joy Guilt - like cheating on a diet by eating the chocolate cake - joy guilt.}}

     _{^{6)  Joy Anger - like having rightful cause to be angry at a choice enemy - joy anger.}}

     _{^{7)  Joy Lonely - like being the one and only winner - joy lonely.}} 

     _{^{8)  To feel the feeling of joy alone is a rare thing and it flies away much too quickly.}}

                   _{^{For the treatment and recovery of codependence (and for other reasons) people need to know what the basic}}

     _{^{foundational feelings are so that we can start recognizing our own feelings. We must first fix ourselves as best as we}}

     _{^{can so then we can see clearly how to help others.  It might appear odd to some but human beings being thinking}}

     _{^{creatures so we need words to express our feelings and that definitely includes the silent self-talk words because without}}

     _{^{the terminology then one does not have feelings at all. Animals appear to only have raw emotions. No person can claim}}

     _{^{it if they can not name it. When a person is in, or has come out of, a dysfunctional family or an oppressive government,}}

     _{^{laws or etcetera, then our realities become or became distorted and so by recognizing our true feelings then each person}}

     _{^{can then decide for oneself as to how we want to feel and as to how we shall respond to circumstances, and then decide}}

     _{^{if our own emotions are acting in a manner that we approve of for ourselves and if not then we can change the}}

     _{^{emotional response, and with effort we can even change our feelings.}}

                 _{^{The codependency is overcome by independent thought, independent feelings, independent decisions, and}}

     _{^{independent actions. It needs added here that inter-dependency with other people can be great and profitable so long as}}

     _{^{it is an honest and informed and free decision. Even some elements of codependency must be accepted in this world}}

     _{^{but we must minimize it and do not overvalue it. To trust is a big virtue and true trust is an act of the strong or the}}

     _{^{innocent persons, and yet to ever live without trust and on simple faith will make for a useless life. We need to control}}

     _{^{our own emotions and to manage our feelings.}}

                  _{^{Perhaps most people experience extreme feeling on some few occasions but the codependent person has the}}

     _{^{extreme feelings often because they get stressed out with no release for their feelings and then have extreme emotional}}

     _{^{events. The codependent can become so afraid that they will get dizzy and might even pass out from a seemingly simple}}

     _{^{relationship issue. The fear and some shame are the only feelings / emotions that they are allowed to express, so that at}}

     _{^{times when there is no real reason for being afraid or ashamed then the codependent will have a personal crisis anyway}}

     _{^{which comes out as fear - like being afraid of living / afraid of action and always defensive. Powerless to communicate}}

     _{^{their feelings, too ashamed to be able to speak up for them-self, become physically sick from minor guilt, fits of rage or}}

     _{^{vengeance from hurt feelings. For each individual such extreme events are very real and intense, and without treating}}

     _{^{the codependency then it becomes a more debilitating affliction that pushes the person into a self governed isolation and}}

     _^waste.

                   _{^{It also needs to be noted here about the feeling of pain, that this is not describing the physical pain like being}}

     _{^{stung by a Bee or wasp because that kind of pain is from our sense of touch as in the five senses of sight, hear, taste,}}

     _{^{smell, touch. The feeling of pain here is where no physical contact needs to happen at all. Like as in pain from sadness}}

     _{^{and depression. It is hard to define the feeling of pain because it is not really a mental or psychological condition (though}}

     _{^{pain can be caused and felt by the mind) and things like hard depression can cause real pain way down in our heart and}}

     _{^{soul and pain in our bones with no physical contact. This same is true for the feeling of “hurt” because it does not mean}}

     _{^{physical hurting like in a broken leg as that too is physical hurt that comes from our sense of touch. The feeling of hurt}}

     _{^{does not require any physical contact but would be as hurt feelings and or hurt by an insult. Being physically hurt is not}}

     _{^{the same as the feeling of hurt, but feeling hurt does bring out physical responses from our body.}}

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